An Update – I’m moving!

HeartJawn

Well, it’s finally happened. We’re finally moving out of the USA.

For those of you who don’t know me all that well…that’s going to change in the near future I think because I planned on using the Heart1lly blog to bring updates and posts that may be a bit more personal in nature. Yeah, video games and snacks are cool, but why should you care about those when you have no clue who I am?!

At the very start of January, I posted some New Year goals onto my now-defunct Facebook. This is what they were:

  1. Read more nonfiction.
  2. Overcome my fear of Javascript.
  3. Get the hell out of dodge.

I assumed 1 and 2 would be easy-peasy to accomplish since reading is something I’ve always done, and Javascript was something I could definitely learn, right? Wrong. What happened was that I discovered Twitch streaming right after I got back from visiting my boyfriend in Finland. I was watching some streams on his bed and thought…hey, this looks fun. I bet I could do this! And then I did it. So now I have roughly 300+ lovely followers and a handful of subs and I’m committed to keep working on my stream for the rest of the year.

I really want to make it better and loads more fun. I’ve made excellent friends this way, including a couple who are going to be in the new country I’ll be living in! Life is so much easier when you have friends. Anyway, my husband (yes, husband – I’m polyamorous; more on this later) finally nabbed himself a job overseas after looking for a solid year. Job searching is the most exhausting, demoralizing thing ever. Because this man was a PhD candidate and STILL struggled hard to find a job. Granted, his line is work is fiercely competitive (aren’t they all these days?) but it was really hard to help him through this. He had so much imposter syndrome, so many doubts about his validity and whether or not he could actually get a job. It’s something I want to talk about more going forward.

Anyway, back to points and 1 and 2. I haven’t been reading very much due to Twitch, though I’m changing this. Starting TODAY, I’m challenging myself to read for 1 hour every single day until the end of the year. I want to see how many books I can get through, even if they aren’t necessarily nonfiction. I just need to read again, feel a real book in my hands and work towards improving my focus. I was at Dragon Con this past weekend (again, more on this later!) and one of the panelists for a talk I went to mentioned how humans aren’t even on the same level as goldfish anymore in terms of attention span. I always feel like I have a billion tabs open inside my mind, so this seems legit. I want to fix this.

I also want to write more…so I’ll be having those writing streams soon. Once Twitch unrolls those new updates with the tags and whatnot, I’ll be streaming writing workshops on Sundays. Hang out with me in my jammies with coffee/tea and let’s talk about the wonderful world of the written word.

As far as javascript goes…well…

I really DID try a coding camp and gave it my absolute best shot back in early winter/spring. Unfortunately, through MUCH trial and error, I learned that it just wasn’t for me. I enjoyed coding a little bit and I am glad I have a much better understanding of it, but it’s something I’ll just dabble in on the side. I was driving myself to actual insanity by trying to meet all the deadlines and it was just too much for me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I cannot be good at everything and I do not need to stress myself out over this. I’ll stick to writing and streaming.

But, yes! We are moving to the Netherlands in October and I’m very excited because it means I’ll finally have things to post about on this blog and across my social media. I’ll be able to start up my youtube channel finally and get more into IG TV and just C R E A T E.

I always feel the need to feed the muse within and all these various forms of content creation have been satisfying that craving so far. Of course, I want to do more watercolor painting, but being on screen has brought me so much joy so far and I just want to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I also did something sort of scary recently, which was come out of the closet. As some of you know, I’m 34-years-old and I just don’t really see the need to hide who I am anymore.

I’m not into blatantly parading my personal life around (if you’re that curious, read this blog), so it’s never really come up before. People also don’t really ask me too much about my personal life, which is also cool. I don’t care either way. But I realized that I was hitting backspace a lot on my keyboard before firing off a tweet. It wasn’t healthy. By not talking about who I am and what I was feeling, it was hurting me. When people find out I’m queer, they don’t usually have too much of a reaction. Sign of the times, I guess…because I used to be absolutely tortured for it back in college. Coming out meant putting myself in the line of fire for horrible people and I was always afraid to do that.

I’ve tried to make myself more socially acceptable for people who might find me on Instagram, on Twitch, on Twitter…just anywhere. I’ve decided that I want to stop doing that. I think a lot of you follow me because I’m considered “Family friendly” and I think some of you may have stopped tuning in or listening to me because of a recent tweet in which I stated I was both queer and polyamorous. Polyamory definitely still has that negative stigma placed on it, but that’s okay. I’m not always going to be everyone’s cup of tea. I was never big on talking about my relationships with people I don’t know very well, and that isn’t going to change.

What this means is that I’m not going to try to hide any facets of myself anymore. Accept me, or don’t. I sincerely hope that people are still going to be around for me when they find out, but I’m realistic in knowing that it won’t jive with people and they can walk away at any point in time. It’s quite okay. I’ll keep streaming my games and travel videos in the Netherlands, and I really hope you’ll hang out with me and enjoy them.

Thanks for sticking with me this far!

 

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